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she was wearing a tail

My oldest daughter and I went to the Asian market Saturday afternoon. We found all sorts of foods to try that were new and some that she had tried before (new to me), along with the produce and other items that I like to purchase there.

As we were going down one aisle, we noticed that the lady who had just passed us had a big white fluffy tail sticking out of the back of her pants. Actually, it didn’t look like it was coming out of her pants, but more like it was hooked on her waist and hanging out of her shirt in the back. It was a very strange thing to see.

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See her there in the red shirt? I was trying to be unobtrusive, so I didn’t walk right up and ask her to pose with her tail and all. That would have been a w k w a r d. More awkward than it already was to have to explain to my 15 yr old that some people dress up like furry animals, that I don’t understand why they do it or what they gain from it, but that they do, for whatever reason.

Thanks, furry tail lady for presenting me with that lovely parenting opportunity. I’d have been happy to skip that one.

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visit with the endocrinologist

Day 62

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This photo was taken this morning at the clinic where J sees her endocrinologist. Since December of 2006, I have been in this clinic many, many times.  I have wondered why those two parts of the ceiling that are hanging down have leaves stenciled on them and no other parts of the ceiling do. I thought they must have started stenciling leaves, then got busy and didn’t ever finish. Today, I realized that the pillar thing in the middle of the room that’s painted brown was supposed to represent a tree trunk and those stencils are supposed to be leaves. Leaves on the tree. Duh.

I’m not sure why I didn’t “see” it before today.

So, this morning was J’s appointment with her endocrinologist. She’s got appointments every 30 days for the next 90 days because her A1C was not very good last month at her quarterly visit.

Today’s visit was so much better than last month’s visit. J had her log book filled out, had her blood sugar meter, had better readings, and had been doing the things Dr. K had asked her to do.

I’m really happy that Dr. K is J’s doctor.  The thing I love most about Dr. K is that she visits with J, not with me. She talks with her on her level, explains things, only asks me questions if J says that I know the answer.

J likes Dr. K a lot and relates well to her.  She left the visit beaming.  She is proud of herself for making improvements and for working hard to reach her goal.  This month, her goal is to continue to do the same things (checking her blood sugar at least 3 times each day, logging her blood sugar readings and bolusing -giving herself insulin- each time she eats).  I’m proud of her for working so hard and for having such great determination.  She definitely has strength of character.  It’s one of the things about her that I like most.

Also, we got her paperwork for diabetes camp this summer completed.  Dr. K filled out the part that the physician has to complete and I’ll fax it this week to secure J’s spot.

no bolus

Diabetes stinks. Having a twelve year old with diabetes stinks.

J. was very mean and not her usual happy self when I got home from work when I asked her to help bring in some things from the car. Then when I saw her having a snack- right before dinner – I asked if she’d done an insulin bolus to cover the carbs in her snack. When she started yelling, I asked her to check her blood sugar. She threw down the snack and started yelling for me to leave her alone. I made her let me check her insulin pump and saw that she’d not done a single insulin bolus (to cover food) since yesterday at 5:45pm. We ate dinner around 7pm on Monday. It’s now almost 7pm on Tuesday.

I made her check her blood sugar and it’s 245. Not as high as I thought it would be. Her higher afternoon bolus and her mile walk home from school must have helped lower it some.

I’m worried about her. And exhausted from worrying about her health and her attitude regarding herself and diabetes. It’s so hard to know what to do to help, to encourage good behavior, to discourage poor choices, to discourage self-harm and encourage healthy habits.

a hard lesson learned

My youngest daughter learned a valuable lesson today.  She learned that it’s not always ok to say everything you think and feel whenever you think and feel it.  Especially not on myspace.  Sometimes it’s best to keep things to yourself or to let it sit for a while and gain perspective before putting it out there for the world to see.  I’m all for saying how you feel and for standing up for what you believe in, but as we all have learned (by trial and error), there’s a time and a place for everything.

J. has learned that feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.  How we act upon those feelings is a big part of what makes us who we are.  None of us are islands and what we say and do effects others.  Words can hurt and cause misunderstandings.  Words can be taken personally when that was not the intent.  They are a powerful tool and must should be used wisely.

I am sad that feelings were hurt and that others read her words before she realized she needed to remove them. Knowing that those feelings belonged to people that I love was awful.

I feel badly for my daughter.  Seeing her cry as she realized the impact her words had on others broke my heart.  Seeing her cry because of hurting words written by others made my heart ache even more.  At the same time, I’m glad she’s learning this now at age 12 and not later on in life.  Maybe this lesson will help her grow, become more sensitive and realize that she has an impact on others, whether she realizes it or not.

The best kind of prize

Today when it was almost time for me to leave work, 12 yr daughter J. called and asked if she could cook dinner. I have several things in the freezer that she could bake in the oven for dinner, so I said yes. She said all she needed me to do was stop by the store to get garlic bread and ranch salad dressing.

So I did.

When I got home, J. met me at the door with a purple flower from one of our Rose of Sharon trees/bushes. She proudly showed me how she’d oiled our old wooden dining table & chairs (inherited from my grandparents), how she’d swept the living room and kitchen floors, set the table, had salad made and the oven ready for garlic bread to be heated.

After we had our dinner, she was still grinning from ear to ear. When I told her how nice it was to come home to a cleaned up house and a prepared dinner, she said, “The best kind of prize is a surprise! Tee hee hee! (Willy Wonka – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) . J. asked me to close my eyes after she got out dessert plates and pulled a cheesecake with cherry topping out of the fridge. She was so cute cutting and serving it. She told me it took 1 1/2 hours to make, because it had to be refrigerated for an hour.

Now 14 yr daughter, B. has just fed the dogs and is cleaning up the kitchen so I don’t have to. Isn’t that sweet?

I must have done something right along the way, no? 🙂

buying favor?

Ex-husband called the house yesterday to speak with the kids. He asked 13 yr old son to hand the phone to 14 yr old daughter at the end of the first phone call and she hung up the phone without speaking to him. She’s not spoken to him much for over a year because of some things that happened last March that added to the already strained relationship that was paved with broken promises and lies. Ex called back after she hung up to tell son that he won’t be buying 14 yr old daughter anything for camp since she won’t speak to him. Nice of him to send that message from one sibling to the other, huh? He has been telling son and 12 yr old daughter that he’ll buy them extra clothes and stuff for camp this summer.

Fourteen year old daughter told me last night that she doesn’t want him to buy her anything because what she needs from a dad cannot be bought. She said she needs a dad who spends time, who is interested, who cares, someone who knows parenting is not just about buying things.

I agree with her. Parenting is about a lot more than buying things.

shaken, not stirred

My apologies. The title is not a reference to a beverage. It’s a reference to my state of mind for much of today.

I don’t often feel belittled or so angry that I’m visibly shaking, but today I did. This morning when I was at work, the lovely ex-husband sent me a text message about our oldest daughter that was very mean. Cruel, in fact. After I responded, he sent a few more messages that were absolutely hateful and vile. I responded, but kept myself from typing the horrible things that were swirling around in my head. I was to the point, reminded him that he’s chosen to not be involved in their lives and has no right to insult me as a woman or as a mom, and told him to not contact me again unless it concerns the kids.

Even now, hours later, the words he texted keep playing in my head like the horrible things he used to say always did. It’s been a long time since anyone spoke to me like that. Actually, he’s the only person who’s shaken me to my core, planted seeds of doubt about who I am, what my family stands for and made me feel bad about who I am as a person. Ever.

He can be a nasty, controlling, small-minded, stupid man. The amazing thing is that he also can appear to be kind, fun and engaging… for a while, at least, as long as things are going his way. When the excitement has calmed and normal life ensues, as tends to happen in the real world, the mask comes off, the gloves go on. He fights dirty, fights to win at all costs, fights to protect his little ego by belittling the women woman in his life.

I’m so very glad to be divorced from him. On July 11, it will have been 7 years.