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running out of room

I have daily (journal) photos to post, but I’ve run into a problem.  Evidently, I ‘ve used up way too much room posting photos in their original size and this causes my server to generate emails that say things like WARNING!  DISC WARNING USAGE CRITICAL and DISC USAGE WARNING FULL.

I’m in the process of replacing all the large photos I’ve posted with smaller ones.  When I’m done with that, I will post photos from the past few days.  In the mean time, you can look at my flickr stream (click the flickr box on the left) and see what I’ve been up to.  I’ve just uploaded most of my photos from February and March.  🙂

no bolus

Diabetes stinks. Having a twelve year old with diabetes stinks.

J. was very mean and not her usual happy self when I got home from work when I asked her to help bring in some things from the car. Then when I saw her having a snack- right before dinner – I asked if she’d done an insulin bolus to cover the carbs in her snack. When she started yelling, I asked her to check her blood sugar. She threw down the snack and started yelling for me to leave her alone. I made her let me check her insulin pump and saw that she’d not done a single insulin bolus (to cover food) since yesterday at 5:45pm. We ate dinner around 7pm on Monday. It’s now almost 7pm on Tuesday.

I made her check her blood sugar and it’s 245. Not as high as I thought it would be. Her higher afternoon bolus and her mile walk home from school must have helped lower it some.

I’m worried about her. And exhausted from worrying about her health and her attitude regarding herself and diabetes. It’s so hard to know what to do to help, to encourage good behavior, to discourage poor choices, to discourage self-harm and encourage healthy habits.

hot

It’s really hot here in central Oklahoma these days.  Hotter than should be allowed.

Each summer I wonder why in the world I live here in this heat and humidity with no ocean breeze to cool us off at night.  The reason?  Because my parents are here.  Why do my parents stay here?  Because my sister and I live here with our families.  We should all pack up and move to a cooler climate. At least for the summer.  Seriously.

buying favor?

Ex-husband called the house yesterday to speak with the kids. He asked 13 yr old son to hand the phone to 14 yr old daughter at the end of the first phone call and she hung up the phone without speaking to him. She’s not spoken to him much for over a year because of some things that happened last March that added to the already strained relationship that was paved with broken promises and lies. Ex called back after she hung up to tell son that he won’t be buying 14 yr old daughter anything for camp since she won’t speak to him. Nice of him to send that message from one sibling to the other, huh? He has been telling son and 12 yr old daughter that he’ll buy them extra clothes and stuff for camp this summer.

Fourteen year old daughter told me last night that she doesn’t want him to buy her anything because what she needs from a dad cannot be bought. She said she needs a dad who spends time, who is interested, who cares, someone who knows parenting is not just about buying things.

I agree with her. Parenting is about a lot more than buying things.

shaken, not stirred

My apologies. The title is not a reference to a beverage. It’s a reference to my state of mind for much of today.

I don’t often feel belittled or so angry that I’m visibly shaking, but today I did. This morning when I was at work, the lovely ex-husband sent me a text message about our oldest daughter that was very mean. Cruel, in fact. After I responded, he sent a few more messages that were absolutely hateful and vile. I responded, but kept myself from typing the horrible things that were swirling around in my head. I was to the point, reminded him that he’s chosen to not be involved in their lives and has no right to insult me as a woman or as a mom, and told him to not contact me again unless it concerns the kids.

Even now, hours later, the words he texted keep playing in my head like the horrible things he used to say always did. It’s been a long time since anyone spoke to me like that. Actually, he’s the only person who’s shaken me to my core, planted seeds of doubt about who I am, what my family stands for and made me feel bad about who I am as a person. Ever.

He can be a nasty, controlling, small-minded, stupid man. The amazing thing is that he also can appear to be kind, fun and engaging… for a while, at least, as long as things are going his way. When the excitement has calmed and normal life ensues, as tends to happen in the real world, the mask comes off, the gloves go on. He fights dirty, fights to win at all costs, fights to protect his little ego by belittling the women woman in his life.

I’m so very glad to be divorced from him. On July 11, it will have been 7 years.

visit

My kids saw their dad today.  Well, two of them did.  Oldest daughter decided she didn’t want to see him, so she stayed in her room.  It was their first visit with him since mid-December 2007.  They saw him less than 4 hours.  6:30pm to 10:00pm.

I’m disgusted, but will refrain from saying more right now.

blank

I cannot think of anything to post about at the moment that does not sound like I’m hosting a pity party for myself.

I’ll just say for now that living with two teens and a tween who all have strong personalities, wacky hormones and immature brains is like being on a roller coaster with all the ups, downs and crazy turns. It’s much harder at times than I could have ever imagined even a few short months ago.

Hope is still alive, though, along with the knowledge that it will get better. Or it won’t. Either way, I will get through this. Maybe they will too. 🙂

senseless tragedy

This news article about the 11 year old girl in Wisconsin who died of diabetic ketoacidosis is so very sad. While her parents sat by and prayed for her, she suffered needlessly as her body shut down.

When my youngest child was diagnosed with type I diabetes at age 10 (she is now 11) in December 2006, she was in diabetic ketoacidosis. Her body had attacked and destroyed the beta cells in her pancreas and her body no longer produced insulin. The theory is that her body probably fought off a virus and then turned on the insulin producing cells in her pancreas for some reason. Upon arrival at the ER, her blood sugar was 757 and she had large ketones in her urine (thus the name ketoacidosis). Her body was trying to burn off the excess sugar in her blood, but craving sugar at the same time because she could not utilize it without insulin to help out. She was weak, lethargic, had lost about 20 pounds over 3 or 4 weeks, and was very dehydrated although she drank everything she could. I thought she had a stomach virus and then thought it was her appendix. She was in pain, barely able to walk due to shortness of breath and was extremely weak. I had to hold her up and practically carry her into the ER. It was awful and very scary.

I cannot imagine seeing her like that, sitting there praying for her and not seeking help.  I prayed for my daughter, my whole family, our friends and members of our church prayed for her.  We also sought those trained with the knowledge needed to help us.  The medical staff at the ICU told me that if I’d not taken her to the hospital, she’d probably not have made it through that night. She was almost in a diabetes induced coma.

I can understand that her parents have their religious beliefs, whatever those beliefs are. We all have beliefs that govern our lives. I cannot understand how a parent could sit by and watch their child suffer and die when something could have been done. I’m just not made that way. This child could have lived a long, happy and healthy life with diabetes education and insulin therapy.

Reading the news story about poor little Madeline Neumann brought back so many feelings. My eyes were full of tears and I felt the sort of outrage and indignation that I feel when one of my children have been bullied or treated unfairly. This was a needless tragedy, a death that could have easily been prevented.

coke tab

My twelve year old son asked me last night if a coke tab that he swallowed yesterday (accidentally he says – how do you do that accidentally??) will come out later when he goes to the bathroom.

I said that I thought it would.

Have you ever heard of anyone doing something like this? Now I’m worried that it will cause an obstruction in his bowels and that he will need surgery to have it removed and to repair any damage it causes.

I really cannot believe that I’m even thinking about this.

EDIT:  I called the pediatrician this morning.  The nurse told me that it should pass within a week.  If he has abdominal pain, I’m to take him to the ER immediately.

sssssssssssssssss

I know someone who likes to drag out the “s” sound at the end of her words. It’s only when a word ending in the “s” sound is at the end of a sentence.

Like,

“I’m so glad it’s almost Christmasssssss.”

or

“Would you like some mintssssssss?”

It usually does not bother me, but today I wanted to scream each time I heard it.
I felt like I was near the talking snake in The Jungle Book. The one with the oogly eyes that still creep me out if I think about them too long. I cannot remember the snake’s name.


the turning lane and the finger

Today, I was in a turning lane waiting for traffic to pass so I could make a left turn and a big SUV came up behind me. I guess the driver wanted to turn past the place where I was turning (in the next entrance) and sat there honking & flipping me off. Not only was he flipping me off, he was waving his hands all around & yelling while flipping me off. I was amazed. It’s not as if he could have turned if I had not been there. He’d still have had to wait for the same traffic to pass by.

In fact, I am still amazed by the behavior he displayed. I’ve not seen that sort of childish road behavior from a grown man in quite a while.

Whoever you are, Mr. Gold-Colored SUV who was driving near Tinker Air Force Base this afternoon, you should be ashamed of yourself.

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the easy road

People that always seem to choose to take the easy way out drive me crazy. I don’t understand it. I would rather invest a little more time now and get it done right instead of doing it halfway and having to see it again later to fix it. This is something that I’m currently working on with my children. Too bad I cannot “work on” it with other people I’m around a lot. Sometimes I think I need to have a sign that I can hold up that says, “Do it right the first time so you don’t have to do it again later!”

underwire

Someone really does need to invent an underwire material that will not break & poke the dear wearer of the broken underwire in the seiboob.

I’m sure this is a complaint heard from women around the world at one time or another, so I’ll hush now.

an example

When I email back & forth with friends, I think nothing of starting an email like a conversation, no salutation, no closing line, just a conversation – but that’s with friends. In a business setting, I guess I’m just old-fashioned. I cannot imagine using chatspeak when emailing a business associate.

Here’s an example of the casual business emails that drive me nuts.

From: {name}

To: {name}
Sent: Thu Nov 09, 2006
Subject: 401K question

Hi {name},

Do we have the option of signing up for the Roth 401K instead of the
traditional 401K? If it’s an option for us, I’d like information
regarding the plan.

Thanks!
The response:

From: {name}
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006
To: {name}
Subject: Re: 401K question

No, sorry. U can sign up for one individually with our rep for NYLIM.