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aftershocks, seven years later

The kids’ dad and I have been divorced for seven years.  I was shocked last night when my son told me that he often wishes that his dad and I were still married.  I mean, I know it’s not unusual for kids to wish for that, that they’d like to have an intact nuclear family, but I guess I hadn’t thought about how it effected him on a daily basis.  He said he really misses his dad and would like to see him more.  He thinks that the only way he’ll be able to see his dad more would be for us to be remarried.  Sadly, this is probably true, since XH hasn’t figured out the whole visitation thing.  He hasn’t had the kids for an overnight since summer of 2005.

Son said that he doesn’t remember us being married.  He was four years old when his dad left for the year tour in Korea where he met his wife (who was also stationed there for that year).  Our divorce was final about 6 months after he got back.

While I feel sad for my son and some guilt for him not having an intact nuclear family, I don’t feel badly enough about it to want to be married to XH again.  That relationship was not healthy for me and I know I’m a better parent, a better person, a healthier (emotionally) person when I’m not in a relationship with him.

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4 Responses

  1. ((Natalie)) You are such a great Mom.

  2. I am sorry he is going through that. I am surprised, actually. I will be praying for him. I know his heart is hurting. And I will pray that the ex will take an interest in his children and step up to true fatherhood.

  3. I’m not sure that “kids” no matter how old ever stop wishing their parents were together. I know that my stepdaughters – or at least one of them would give anything to have her mom back and for her mom and dad to be married. I think their divorce was very difficult for her and she still hurts from it.
    I’m sorry your son is hurting – it must be difficult for a young man not to have a “father” in the home. No one can make up for the neglect he feels from his dad, except his dad! I’m afraid some people spend so much time trying to “make up” for a child’s hurt that they do more damage by not providing stability and consistency. I think that you must do both and do both very well!
    In His Love and Blessings,
    annb

  4. My ODD said the same thing to me a couple of times while growing up. The first time was probably after her father split up from his long-time GF, and the next a few years later following his next break-up. It seems that when he didn’t have anyone she wanted us to be together though, maybe so I’d fix his ‘hurt’? Both of those times I was in a relationship so I don’t think it was about having the together stuff but about me always being able to fix things for her and she wanted things fixed for him?

    Oh, and it seriously surprised me both times too! To even consider that I might possibly ever go back to that life was just too startling!

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