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It’s Max!

This walk reminds me of “Where the Wild Things Are.”

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post-divorce

It was hard, without doubt, to go through the divorce.  I read somewhere that death is less traumatic in some ways than divorce.  Having experienced deaths of family members, I can say that it’s different, but equally as traumatic, as a sudden death or suicide.  I think it’s because there’s not the factor of being rejected and that person going on with their life while you stand there, feeling like you’ve been violated, wondering what could have been done to make things different, feeling guilty for being part of something that causes so much heartache for the children, and trying to put the pieces of your life back together.

Actually, though, the divorce would not have been a big surprise, if I’d not had on blinders.  It was the end of a decade long relationship that was not healthy for most of the time it was in progress.   While I grieved the end of my marriage,  most of all I grieved the dream of an intact family,  of a husband who would love and cherish me, of a husband who I could love and respect, of the hope of a healthy relationship to serve as an example to my children and help guide them in their future relationships.  Some of the things I gained, after I healed a bit and got my head on straight, are a healthy, happy home environment for my children to grow up in and less stress.  Constant resentment, conflict and stress is a horrible way to live.

During these past 6 1/2 years after the divorce, I’ve not dated a lot.  Instead, I’ve taken time to get to know me, to learn to be the best parent I can be, to try build stronger relationships with my parents and my two sisters, to learn to manage my finances and make sure my household is running smoothly.  I’ve learned more about asthma and type I diabetes, bicycle care and violas, NBA and wrestling than I ever could have imagined I’d need to know.

I’ve come to see that my marriage and divorce helped create who I am today, as the compilation of all our life experiences do.  For that, I am thankful.   It’s been important for me to be able to share with others, to reach out and let my experiences help them feel less alone, less crazy, hopeful, and even cheered by knowing I’ve walked a similar path.  Reading their stories and struggles and forming a community of friends who understand has helped me tremendously.

recent searches

Sometimes, I like to see which posts bring people to my blog… besides my charm and mad writing skills, of course. 🙂

As youngest daughter was straightening my hair (don’t ask) tonight, I looked up all of the searches in the search engines listed on eXTReMe Tracking to see where my blog entries fell in the retrieved lists. It’s a bit odd to see my blog and it’s posts come up in search engines, but sort of thrilling at the same time.

Here are some of the recent searches that brought readers to my blog:

1. pirates drama lessons (#5 Google)

2. blockbuster changes (#4 Yahoo)

3. eucalyptus spearmint hand wash (#12 Google)

4. countdown tickers (#17 Google)

5. buckley’s cough commercial (#3 Google)

6. grinch names (#1 Google)

7. how to cash in pop can tabs (#7 Google)

8. soda can tops for chemo (#2 Google)

9. what language best fits you (#5 Google)

10. who banned blubber judy blume (bottom of page 4 – Google)

11. Happy Birthday Jon Bon Jovi (#1 Google)

12. bloody mary monster (#3 Google)

13. fake fingernails for children (#3 Google)

14. dragon fire gum (#8 Google)

15. 3D (cannot find – AOL search – I don’t know how anyone found my blog with this search – I’ve never posted about anything relating to 3D. )

16. Ender’s game online games ( page 7 – Google)

17. homeschool clean (#6 Google)

18. Oprah’s birthday (#3 Google)