• July 2006
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letters to the ex

This afternoon, I mentioned to the kids that I thought writing a letter to their dad every couple of weeks would be a good idea, since they don’t see or don’t talk to him very often. I talked it up.. saying how it would be good for him to know about their lives…. their friends, school, grades, activities, interests.. what they’ve been up to.. and that maybe he’d write back. They love getting mail, so that would be a great thing!

The resistance came out in force… they said they don’t want to write to him.. that he doesn’t even know how old they are or what grades they’re entering in school this year. I told them that this would help remedy that problem & might foster a better relationship between them.

What’s sad is that the ex lives only 6 hours away. Until 2 years ago, he lived 1 1/2 hours away & still didn’t see them very much. He has never chosen to exercise his every other weekend visitation because he said it’s just not convenient for him. Yep. He chooses to not see them. Oh yeah.. he has excuses and to hear him tell it, he’s a great dad who just cannot get away to see his children who are out of state.. but the out of state kids feel rejected by him & are upset.

I’m not sure if I should push the issue or just let it go. I was hoping that in time, the kids would have a positive relationship with him. I know it’s up to him to build the kind of relationship he wants with the kids.

It’s heartbreaking to see, though.

I see/hear about so many non-custodial parents who would love to have more time with their children but the custodial parent won’t allow a minute extra. Non-custodial parents who are willing to travel halfway across the country after having major knee surgery to pick up a child on the court ordered date without even knowing for sure if the custodial parent will have the child available. And here I am, wishing my ex cared enough to make an effort.. to call.. to see them once a month or every 6 weeks.. something.. anything… if he cannot make it happen every other weekend.

In the past, I’ve met him halfway with the kids.. but after having to wait on him for 2 or 3 hours each time, I quit offering to do that.

Now, however, his wife is in Iraq & he doesn’t have a car big enough for 6 kids to ride with seatbelts. I’ve let him come here with their three children to stay in my home & spend time with the kids.. but it’s not worked out so well & it’s not an option any longer.

Anyway, I don’t know what else to do. I feel sad for my children and angry that my ex doesn’t care enough to bother.

I usually don’t think about it much. It doesn’t effect our family as much as it used to right after the divorce. It’s been 5 years & now this seems normal to the kids – to live with me & to not see him.

2 Responses

  1. That’s a bummer about the kids’ dad, but my own was very much the same way. Unfortunately the outcome was that I do not have any kind of relationship with my father.
    I would be happy to share my story for you to send to your ex. I know that my father regrets his choices now, but it’s too late for him.

  2. What an ass. This seems to happen a lot with guys. They get to enjoy the batchelor life while the mom raises the kids.

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. I”m even more sorry for your kids.

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