• January 2006
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I was talking about my oldest daughter’s negative preteen attitude in the forum that I help moderate. I posted a link to an article about positive thinking that I’d found this morning. I referenced the article b/c I’ve been trying to help oldest daughter become more positive.. as she has been progressively more negative the past year or so.. the whole preteen-I-know-everything-and-Mom-knows-nothing attitude… well, and a negative viewpoint in general..about EVERYTHING. After reading some of the forum comments, I started thinking about how I was as a child and how that relates to how I parent my children.

I was not a social butterfly type person.. I’m still not. At work, for example, everyone knows who I am, they know what I do and what I can help them with.. but not many KNOW me personally. People tend to tell me more about themselves than I share with them. Maybe this means that I’m reserved.. although I don’t think I am reserved at all once I trust someone. I’m not very reserved in my blog, because I consider it a journal shared with friends.. so you all know more about me than many of my coworkers do. Lucky you! 🙂

In school it was the same way. Everyone knew me. I knew everyone else. But I was friends with 4 or 5 people. Really good friends. And that was it. During high school those friends grouped together & betrayed my friendship. After that I didn’t have any close friends. I was hurt deeply. I wonder if that effects how I form friendships today. I don’t have many… real friends, that is. I have my mom, my sisters and a select few that I consider REAL friends… lifetime friends.

As far as growing up, the bodily changes, emotional changes were hard, like with all kids.. struggling to find my place in the world. But I don’t remember it coming from the kids in school. I think the struggle was inside me.

Keep in mind that it was a small school system. I’d gone to school with the same kids from kindergarten. I graduated with kids that I went to preschool with. We were a tight knit bunch. There were the “popular” cheerleader/football types, and the offbeat band types… like anywhere else. Overall, I think I was mostly oblivious to the peer pressure, mean kids middle school mess, not ever being one to follow the crowd. I had my little group of friends (mostly fellow band members and kids I went to church with) & was happy. I’ve been that way a lot though throughout my life. I have my little world & the rest doesn’t matter so much. Not always a good thing.. but very useful, it turns out, when it comes to peer pressure & stuff like that.

Maybe that’s why I don’t understand youngest DD’d intense need to be liked & her “social butterfly” personality. I try to understand her, but i just don’t.

Sometimes the things the kids say to me just floor me. I’m sure it’s because they’re in a bigger school system that they just transferred into this year. All their school friendships are newly formed. They’re still finding their spot.

I need to remember that.

I just realized that I went all over the place in this post.. jumping from one thing to another. It’s all jumbled. Hope it’s not too much of a mess to read!

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