• May 2005
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listed 12 items for sale

10 books, 1 pc game and 1 movie.

Now when I walk through my house, I see things with online auction potential instead of just as stuff. Funny how our perception changes like that, isn’t it? 🙂

Weight loss

I need to lose 75 lbs still… have lost 10 in the past 3 months… to reach my goal. My goal weight is about 5 pounds over my ideal weight. However, I’d be happy if I was within 15 – 20 pounds of my goal weight. I’d be so much closer than I am now!

When I looked at the blog that has postcards with people’s secrets on them, I saw one that could have been written by ME… the one that says, “I’m really scared of losing all my weight because then I will be forced to face my fear of men and have nowhere to hide.”

I’ve told my mom about these feelings. She is very concerned that I’ve not lost weight.. haven’t gained since the divorce, but haven’t lost much, either. Over the past 3 years, I’ve lost & gained back the same 25 pounds once a year. This time I want to lose it, keep it off, and lose the rest of it, too.

I know that keeping excess weight is a way of protecting myself from rejection. Afterall, if I’m not “attractive,” then I’m safe, right? The idea of having men interested in me is frightening. The idea of vulnerability is frightening.

I will be posting these feelings and fears as I work thru them… learning that I’m ok with less weight as armor… and that caring about someone doesn’t have to hurt. I realize that heartbreaks are part of the dating package.. but I’m ready to not be so frightened by it that it’s paralyzing.

Right now, I’m friends with a man who is wonderful. I tend to worry about the fact that he’s younger than me and about my weight. I let these 2 worries overshadow the fact that I really care about him. When I start feeling vulnerable & close to him, I start saying to myself, “Well, this isn’t going anywhere, he’s younger than I am.” I also say, “No one could love/care about me with this extra weight,” when in fact, I know that he looks at who I am.. what kind of person I am, how we get along, my dreams, goals, spirituality.. and not just size. In fact, I don’t think he would care if I never lose weight. When I talk about weight loss goals or plans, he says that if it makes me happy, he’s happy.. but that I shouldn’t stress myself out about it.. just to focus on being healthy b/c he wants me to live a long productive life. Why does that scare me so.. that unconditional acceptance?

When I was married, my ex would say to me (after I’d gained weight with 3 pregnancies in 4 years) that he hated fat people.. that I didn’t need to eat certain foods.. that I should just exercise more like he does (he’s military and exercising is part of his daily routine). He told me that no one would ever love me with his 3 children and that men would only want to use me for sex. I know these things aren’t true.. they aren’t even rational.. but sometimes those words still play in my head when I’m feeling fearful.

As I am on this quest of losing weight and overcoming this fear, I’m going to slay those dragons that the ex put in my path. I’ll look at it as a rescue mission.. rescuing myself from the bondage of those awful words & these constraints (fears) I’ve let imprison me.

Good grief… I’m such a drama queen. No we know where my youngest daughter gets it! Sheesh! lol

online auctions??

I’ve heard loads of stories about people making a decent income by selling through online auctions… some as to replacing a part-time job and a few that have made enough to quit their full time jobs. I have a friend who found an antique sewing machine on the sidewalk in front of her neighbor’s house, asked them if she could have it, took a pic of it & sold it online for $350.00! I know another guy who paid for a new computer by selling beanie babies online back in the late 1990’s.

My mom knows a guy who goes to estate sales each Friday morning & sells the stuff he finds thru online auctions. And a girl I work with is friends with a guy who sells music cd’s online & makes more than he did at his full time job. When he started consistently making as much or more than he did at his full time job, he quit his job & began online auctioning full time. Another lady I know goes to garage sales to buy things then sells them online & makes as much as she did at her full time job.. and now she’s home with her young child full time doing online auctions.

I’ve got a lot of stuff to sell and am thinking of selling online since I don’t like having garage sales…. and who couldn’t use extra income?

I found & checked out several books at the library that are HOW TO guides for selling online. I’m gonna see how I do with this. I’d love to be able to generate enough income to not have to work full time when finishing my degree. If I could work part time, sell online to round out my income & go to school full time, I’d be able to finish much quicker… 2 years full time instead of 4 or 5 years part time.

I think the key is to find an area to specialize in.. or to learn to recognize things that will sell well online & get them listed in a way that’s noticeable.