I’ve been reading some new-to-me blogs lately. A lot of these new blogs are about stepfamilies and the problems/solutions within them. It’s been a long time since I posted about my divorce.
Here’s my short-story:
I divorced XH (final in July 2001) after he cheated with his current wife when they were both stationed overseas and I was stateside with the kids. They had a child together before our divorce was final and now have three children together. To say I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed is an understatement. I behaved badly and I’m not proud of that. I was struggling to get through it, to survive day by day, to raise the kids alone, to deal with it all. It was hard.
I am glad, though, that I got help and earned to deal with my feelings and that now I don’t feel those things and constantly live in a state of negativity. XH and I still have disagreements from time to time , but it’s nothing like before. XH’s wife and I now rarely have contact with each other. For the past few years, it’s been peaceful between us.
Visitation stopped when I quit offering to meet halfway and said that since XH was always 2 hours late getting to the meeting spot, I’d drive the kids all the way to his house if he’d drive them all the way home. They’ve not had an overnight with XH and his wife since August 2005.
XH has chosen to not be part of the kids’ daily lives. He sees them rarely and lives 5 hours away. In 2007, he saw them three times. Yes. Three. 1, 2, 3. Sad, huh? It is a source of anger, hurt, and sadness for the kids. And, since I want to protect them and believe that they deserve better, I sometimes feel those things too. I cannot understand how any parent can just walk away if it’s a few more hours to drive or requires a bit more planning to make time with the kids happen. But that’s another post for another time.
Filed under: divorce
I can totally understand your feelings. Divorce carries with it such a stigma – especially in the Church. Not only are we left with raising our children alone, the feelings that go with the betrayal, but also trying to find our fit in a Christian world.
I still struggle – almost daily – with the feelings left behind and have a real fear of rejection. I try so hard to see life through “uninjured” eyes and thoughts, but some days it’s easier than others.
I guess I probably will always carry some of those emotions because it affects every aspect of my being. I think about you a lot with three children to raise. It seems to me that you’re doing a great job!
In His Love and Blessings,
annb
Thanks, Ann.
It turns out that I’m a better person for having gone through it. I never would have thought it would turn out that way when I was in the midst of it. Funny how that works, huh?
Life’s hardest times have a way of making us stronger and better able to help someone else along the way.
I think your story is amazing. I can only imagine what it must be like to try and keep yourself centered and also deal with raising your children alone and trying to keep your X in their lives. I had a friend growing up with a similiar story, her father left her mother, and had 2 more girls with his new wife and he acted as though my friend never existed. She never saw him, and that really screwed up her feelings, but her mother was not present, she was dealing with her issues. I have great respect for you to stay present and raise your children. I just started working for http://www.firstwivesworld.com which is an online community for women in various stages of divorce. Since I am not divorced, or married, I spend a lot of time online reading blogs and articles on the subject. Your story hit me and I just wanted to comment on it.
All my Best
Ann Marie Miller
I’m not sure why I just now saw this comment.
Thank you, Ann Marie, for your comment.